WHAT THE MIND FUCK?

Feeling really really emotional this morning. Just went and had the biggest bawl in the toilet. Haven't had one of those for ages. So now my eyes are all red and swollen. Don't know why? Scared maybe. What of? Doing it alone this time, no safety net as in Coach. Am I a good enough judge to get me the look I want this time? Don't want to arrive too early, but don't want to leave it too late. Want to be just right! Self doubt is upon me. Think I need to go hit the gym which will make me feel better. I will not wallow any longer. I'm building a bridge and getting over it!