Monday, November 30, 2009


Monday's Lift Heavy Shit Session

Bench Press
- 50 kgs x 8 reps
- 50 kgs x 6 reps + 2 short

Lat Pulldowns
- 170 pds x 15 reps (getting short)
- 170 pds x 12 reps (getting short)

Push Press
- 38 kgs x 9 reps
- 40 kgs x 5 reps, miss 6

Floor Press
- 38 kgs x 4 reps + 4 hip humps
- 38 kgs x 7 reps + 3 hip humps


When we are confused about who we are we become obsessed with food and weight and diets because we are afraid of ourselves. We avoid our negative feelings. We love the feeling of controlling our lives with a plan for what we eat, when we eat, how much (or how little) we eat, when and how we train because it takes away the emptiness, the hollow, the hole inside. We pre-occupy ourselves with all of this to fill the void. We feel better about ourselves because we've achieved a certain weight, a certain look through following a certain diet or a certain plan.

Weight doesn't need to be controlled or managed or constantly watched. It doesn't have to be a never ending battle or struggle. It is the belief system driving this thinking. And beliefs can be changed.

If only we'd realise there's so much more to life.

Sunday, November 29, 2009


Today is Sunday, market day. Organic food markets right here in Brisbane. I had not planned to go but the lure of my beloved organic cranberries is too strong to pass up. I have come to love these little beauties which are imported from Canada. Their sweetness is quite extraordinary. Added to oats and cooked apple they have become a daily love affair. Nicole has inspired me to get back on my pushie. I blow off the dust and clear the cobwebs and set off, backpack strapped on. It has been a long while since I rode a bike but it is like yesterday. Once learnt, never forgotten. As I pass the morning walkers I greet them with a warm smile and simple, yet effective "morning" and am replied with the same gesture of kindness. Ascending my first hill my quads scream at me, begging for me to stand up and I reward them for their efforts by doing so half way up. When I finally reach the top I am puffing like "the magic dragon" and grateful that the land is now flat for a good while. It is a muggy morning but I hardly notice breaking through the breeze. Once at the markets I lean my bike against a tree and set off on foot exploring each stall for what might spark my interest today. I kick myself that the shopping was done at the supermarket only yesterday. The smell of fresh fruit and veges sends my taste buds salivating. I buy my cranberries and am given a discount. I'll take it as one "miracle" today. My only other purchase is a raw food cake which I will save for dessert tonight and share with hubby. Made from 100% raw plant foods I'm sure it will be delightful, delectable. Time to trundle home. The rest of my family may be up by now. As a ride along a flock of pigeons fly beside me for a good 100 metres before landing on a power cable. I hope they don't shit as I ride under. I'm home and the only one up is little boy. My clothes are soaked in sweat and my face red like my cranberries. I take his hand and lead him down to the pool. Standing on the edge we both call out "canon bomb" before jumping in. I am instantly cooled and refreshed. Another brilliant day has begun.


R U OK is being held today, 29 November 2009. It is an annual national day of action that aims to get Australians, right across the entire spectrum of society, connecting with friends and loved ones, by reaching out to anyone doing it tough and simply asking: “Are you ok?”

Hello, my friends, hello

Are you ok? I've got time to talk.

Friday, November 27, 2009


What you believe is what creates your behaviour. If you believe that chocolate or lollies will send you into a sugar spin than that will be the case. If you believe your belly will bloat up from bread or your guts will gurgle from artificial sweeteners than that too will happen. If you believe you'll get fat from eating fat then hello cellulite. Therefore, it is at the level of belief, not at the level of behaviour, that needs modification. Where does your belief come from about the particular food? Was it an incident from your childhood that you have attached the association of that particular food to? Think long and hard, but if it doesn't come to you immediately, leave it because it will come to you soon if that is what you choose. And then when it does realise it and reverse it. Then put that particular food everywhere in your vision - your handbag, the car, the benchtop, the pantry, the fridge. See it often. Realise that you can eat it whenever you want. Understand that it will not hurt you. You must be willing to be uncomfortable, for a little while at least, to create a life that is comfortable where no food is good or bad, no food is off limits, no food will have an effect on you. At the end of your comfort zone, is where life truly begins. And always remember, it's just food for fucks' sake.

Thursday, November 26, 2009



Thursday's Lift Heavy Shit Session

Full Deadlifts
- 120 kgs x 8 reps
- 130 kgs x 1 rep

Single Leg Press
- 100 kgs x 20 reps
- 120 kgs x 20 reps
- 140 kgs x 20 reps


This photo taken from my home recently

Today I cried. Though they were not tears of sorrow but rather tears of joy. A proud moment in time of the realisation of just how far I've travelled. From a troubled soul with a bottle of sleeping tablets in her hand just a few short months ago wondering how many it'd take and longing for the pain to end to who I am now - ME. One who wakes every morning reflecting on how amazing life is. Wondering what miracle will be presented today. Who's life will be touched. What adventure will take place. Which of my successes will be brought forth.

Life truly is Grand.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009


I dream of giving women the gift of freedom that lets them wake up feeling comfortable in their own skin and beautiful in their bodies, whilst creating healthy habits and strengthening their bodies for a long, happy life ahead of them. I know that when they become acutely aware that they are living this dream, they will feel deeply fulfilled.

I want them to take deep breaths and fill their lungs all the way to their stomachs with life giving oxygen. To indulge with a presence of mind that enjoys what they are feeding their bodies without the feeling of guilt. To love shamelessly and celebrate vigorously. And to celebrate gratitude for all the many blessings they have in their lives.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


Hi Shelley

How are you and your family? is the drill. My baby is now 1 and I am still FAT! I keep trying and failing to lose weight. I lose some and then gain it again. I have no discipline for longer than a couple of weeks! It is basically the same story as last time. I keep putting kids, husband and work before me so leave no time for me or more correctly, I am not a priority. I was wondering if you could mark my journal for me? I still have your program and would really like to start at the start again. (I have done this numerous times in the past 12 months) but I feel like I keep failing cause I slip into bad habits as soon as I become stressed (which seems to happen every couple of days with work and 3 kids). I really think I would stick to it if I knew you were going to check my diary. If you are able to do this for me, just work out a price and I will get it to you.

I really hope you have the time to save me again! I really felt amazing last time and it only lasted for such a short time. I still remember the feeling of finding out I was pregnant! It really devastated me! But I am so lucky to have her now and I really need to move on with it. I have put my life on hold to some extent the past year as I say "no" to many things as I feel I am too fat to do that. I would really like to have the confidence to go to parties again, go to the gym (I am too fat to go there!), go to the pool and beach and wear swimmers and run around with the kids without feeling like I am wobbling every where!

Hope you can help me.


Monday, November 23, 2009


Too busy to think of a fun title.

Bench Press
- 45 kgs x 8 reps
- 45 kgs x 8 reps

Lat Pulldown
- 155 pds x 17 reps (getting short)
- 170 pds x 10 reps

Push Press
- 30 kgs x 16 reps
- 33 kgs x 17 reps

Floor Press
- 35 kgs x 10 reps
- 35 kgs x 9 reps + 1


Who is that person? What does she look like? How does she act? What does she think and feel?

She is so much more than her body alone. She is a kind-hearted, caring soul with good intentions here to help those who want to be helped. She is lean and strong. She is confident, vibrant, bubbly, exciting, buzzing, an extrovert, laughing, happy, smiling, singing and dancing always. She doesn't think about food or what to eat or when to eat but plays each day out as it is presented. Minute by minute, hour by hour. She eats whatever she wants and never gains any weight. She trains hard by lifting heavy shit only a few days each week leaving other days to explore art galleries and museums, and walk around the city, and sit in a library for hours, and wags her kids from school and takes them to the beach or to a fun park or whereever on the spur of the moment. She shows love to her husband like no woman has ever loved her husband more. She spends time BEing with herself by walking or running each morning if the mood dictates. She has exquisite taste for the finer things in life and the simple things like watching the leaves rustle in the wind. She is grateful for all that has been and all that will be but more importantly she is appreciative of What Is Now. She uses meditation and prayer to alter energy vibration. She does not entertain negative thoughts. And she uses her intuitive and psychic abilities to go deep within and get in touch with her feelings. She is satisfied with nothing less than lightness.

That person is ME. This is the greatest vision of Who I Really Am. My body may or may not transform. I believe it will but I can't let my life slip by whilst I wait for it to catch up. I'm moving on and BEing that person NOW!!

Sunday, November 22, 2009


The Optimist's Creed by Christian D Larson

Saturday, November 21, 2009


Just a quick email to say:

Guess what??

My publisher just called and told me my book has become a BESTSELLER. Woo Hoo!! I am achieving what I set out to do in "helping others find happiness."

Gotta dash now off to cooking school. We’re de-boning a duck for dinner. Move over Julia, Mademoiselle Sofie is in da house!

Love to all
Au revoir

Friday, November 20, 2009

Thursday, November 19, 2009


Matt's deadlift analogy for a really honest set. He likened it to a car running out of petrol. It takes maximum force to generate movement of the car to get it to roll. But then someone puts their foot on the brake and again maximum force is required to facilitate more movement. Each rep today was just like that. There was no bouncing, no catching, only stopping and starting each time - a really honest set.

Full Deadlifts
- 110 kgs x 15 reps
- 120 kgs x 4 reps

Rack Pulls (on platform)
- 100 kgs x 6 reps
- 110 kgs x 6 reps
- 120 kgs x 6 reps

Single Incline Leg Press
- 80 kgs x 20 reps
- 100 kgs x 20 reps
- 120 kgs x 20 reps


At times I feel like I am all alone, with no-one on my side, although I know that this is not true for I am never alone. It's so hard to explain what I am doing to others. And when I do I know they don't believe in what I say and therefore what I am doing and trying to achieve. They look at me like I'm a fucking fruit loop, somewhat dillusional, off with the fairies. And I know, I once would have thought this myself. It's a long process, not overnight magic like I wish. I ask God "When is the outside going to reflect the inside?" I have nowhere to go but forward. This is the direction I have chosen. I can't go over it, can't go under it, can't go around it. The only way there is through it. I know where I've been and I've fought my way through thus far closing many doors behind me. The only door now which will take me where I want to go is the door marked "Self-Belief". I have approached this door many times before. It is familiar to me. Only this time I will knock politely and enter. It does not matter what others think, it only matters what I think and I know deep down inside it is my heart and soul that will unlock that door, where eveything I have ever wanted will be waiting for me, and close it gently behind me.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Les grandes pensées viennent du coeur

As I sit here with a warm cuppa I have come to understand that making time and taking time is a pleasure to be enjoyed, not a nuisance to endure. Falling in love with my Self again has changed my life as I knew it, and has opened the door to another life. My dream has come true. We have a magnificent view down rue Ledru-Rollin and a garden on the balcony that wraps the house in serenity and calm. I wake of a morning to the delicious aroma of fresh croissants wafting through the morning air from the boulangerie a few steps away from our house. I stroll down the street with a basket on my arm heading for the market. This is part of the pleasure of living in France: the wonderful produce found at the market from fruit and vegetables to fish and livestock. There is also a beautiful flower stall which I buy a fresh bunch of flowers each week to be placed in the middle of our dining table. There are many “Bonjour Shelley” received as I have come to befriend the locals. Every day here is la petite adventure in my une plus grande aventure called Life.

Les grandes pensées viennent du coeur translated: The greatest thoughts come from the heart.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009


The English countryside is breathtakingly beautiful, somewhat hypnotic and gentle. The serenity of the meandering streams encompasses my learnings to just trust life. It is here, beside the picture-postcard rivers that my meditation each morning takes place. I have now, more than ever, come to appreciate the timeless beauty of what Is is what is supposed to Be. Quiet, leafy lanes lead to the flat topped, rolling limestone hills offering far reaching views to the vales beyond. They free my mind and let my spirit wander – freely. The feeling of peace is palpable. There’s a real sense of community here in the picturesque village. The friendly folks at the farmers market, which we frequent regularly to buy our meat, poultry, fruit, veges and free range eggs, are a highlight to our days as is the pint of beer accompanying the bangers, mash and gravy. To the pub we are but a short walk from the honey-coloured stone cottage which we now call home. It has its own unique character giving the impression that time really has stood still here. Another being in the moment moment.

Monday, November 16, 2009


I've been working soooooooo hard on all of THIS that I've turned it into another competition. A competition of "When?". When am I gonna get the body I dream of? I've been putting up with what I have, a bit like surviving the hunger and exhaustion of a diet, in order to reach the end (standing on stage). But I can't do it anymore and no longer want to. The past weekend has been just as exhausting mentally and I realised that just recently I haven't been stopping to smell the beautiful scent emitted from the roses again. I've succumbed to the focus of getting what I want and no-one or nothing will stop me. It's obvious to me now that I still haven't found the acceptance and love of my body as it is in it's current state. I need to let go, give up the fight. I have no doubt whatsoever that this is not my natural weight. My body is not naturally designed to carry this much body fat. But concentrating and planning on it will only block it and while I'm watching it seems it'll never arrive. I will still hope and believe and dream and pray as this is the formula for all of life but I need to move on, again, for I am so much more than my body alone. With persistence, even the snail made it onto the Ark. My body the snail, my heart and soul the Ark.

There's been a whirlwind of uncomfortable feelings and thoughts that I don't like but someone beautiful told me a couple of days ago that "It's ok to be sad sometimes. That we often chase an elusive state of deep happiness all the time. We're not designed to be happy all the time and being sad sometimes creates important reflection time. We just need to learn how to use those times and how to manage our minds and bodies to keep a balance overall." To this beautiful soul - thank you! But you know the strange thing here? I now know all of this "stuff". I know they are just feelings. I know I don't have to fight them. I know to just accept them. I know it's ok to feel scared and uncertain. And I know that it's ok if I want to eat to numb the pain. But what do you do when you can't even fucking binge anymore? Imagine that, a binge being impossible. Unbelievable yet true. I just can't do it just as I can't smoke or drink to get drunk on purpose anymore. So, instead I just have a really really good cry.

Wasted energy again. I could have used this energy in a more productive way - like shagging all weekend - oh hang on I did that, well maybe shagging some more, or playing with my kids in the park, or clothes shopping, or going to the movies, anything other than wasting another precious second consumed by shit. So, once again I'll take my reeeeeally shiny and pretty bravery medal (thanks Kek) and say "fuck it".

Sunday, November 15, 2009


Heads you diet. Tails you binge. You can keep tossing the coin for as long as you want. But whilst ever you continue to do so know that you can't have one without the other. Do you really want to live your life like this? Yeah, sure you may have what you'd call a "shit hot body" for a while but that body disappears so quickly taking with it another piece of your self worth. I urge you to put the coin in your money box and bank on the fact that money doesn't buy happiness. Only you can get happiness with courage, patience, and determination. And this way you'll have it every single day for the rest of your life.

Saturday, November 14, 2009


I'm jumping back a bit here and again reiterating it's NOT about the food or the calories. Just about everyone believes in the calories in versus calories out equation. But not this little black duck. I beg to differ. How do you calculate how much energy is being expended by all the receptors sparking and joining together to form such positive energy? The vibrations that keep on fueling positive feelings. The fat cells melting as if they had been struck by lightening or zapped by a laser beam. But you're fat they say. And I answer "Is that what you see? Then you need to look deeper because FAT is not who she is!" I may live very very happily inside this outer shell for another six weeks, maybe six months but then as if by magic I WILL Be at my natural weight. Six month or the rest of my life in The Cycle? I'll take the first one thanks.

Trust and Believe and You Shall Receive!!

Friday, November 13, 2009


Between the two of us Liz and I received 83 comments on our posts to help the Inspire Foundation. I got warm and fuzzy at times, smiled heaps, welled up with tears, and even burst out laughing at the comments left and the kindness in other's hearts. I was honestly thinking there'd be a lot of "hello's" but instead was given fuel for my fire, my passion to help others in any way I can.

A sincere THANK YOU to all of you.
Love and hugs

PS I donated $100 cause I like evenness!!


Albert Einstein made many references to intuition and its importance. He said, "The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honours the servant and has forgotten the gift." In his own groundbreaking research, he allowed his heart brain to lead him into new territory. Einstein also wrote, "I believe in intuition and inspiration, at times I feel certain I am right while not knowing the reason."

I feel certain I am right while not knowing the reason. I feel exactly the same way. The feelings we experience so potently seem to precede our logical rationale for them or even preclude logic at times. As we go through life gathering wisdom, we learn to trust our feelings, to follow our hearts and let the brain catch up.

Thursday, November 12, 2009


Note to Self: 1 hour before deadlifting is not enough time to digest banana. Came so very close to using the Lab's green bucket which Matt had placed to the left of me. Thankfully I kept it in.

Full Deadlifts
- 100 kgs x 20 reps
- 110 kgs x 10 reps
- 120 kgs x 4 reps

Rack Pulls
- back said no

Single Incline Leg Press
- 60 kgs x 20 reps
- 80 kgs x 20 reps
- 100 kgs x 20 reps


In my pursuit of happiness I have been led down a path of self-discovery. I have sought to find true happiness. I wanted to know the secret. The secret of people who look deeply satisfied. Before I set out on this journey I didn't have the clarity of direction that comes from being fully aware of my Self, my actions, my beliefs, my place within the universe, to reach anywhere truly extraordinary. I've realised that I can't expect the world around me to be bright and cheerful if the world inside me is dark and chaotic. I've been self destructive, anxious, lacking in confidence, unaware of who I was and where I am heading in life. I've had to find the 'real' me. I am a good person with good intentions. I have made mistakes in the past and I may make mistakes in the future but it does not matter. The past is gone and the future is not here. All that matters is right here, right now. I believe everything happens for a reason. Life is mysterious and miraculous. I now know that I can do anything, be anything, feel anything. And it's all my choice. I have chosen to Be Happy which is an outcome of being grateful. Happiness is bigger than success and more rewarding than money. It's Joy, Comfort, Peace and Love all rolled into one.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


I have no idea how many people read my blog. I don't have one of those counter thingy's. Nor dor I have any desire to know. But for the purpose of this exercise I'd like to know. Not so I can stalk you, or preach to you, or chase you for business, or for any other reason you may think of. The reason being is I want to help others. And I'm sure you do too. For every comment left on this post I'll donate $1 to the Inspire Foundation. Their mission is to help millions of young people lead happier lives where their dream is for a world where every young person can stand up and say "I am happy". It's just a comment. A quick "hello" will do. If you don't have a google account create one - it's easy.

I first heard of the Inspire Foundation when one dark, lonely night I sat googling trying to find the answers and came across Reach Out. I read a lot of the fact sheets and stories. Although it is aimed at helping young people I found it really helpful for myself.

What Can You Do to Help?
  • First and Foremost Leave Me a Comment.

  • Spread the Word. If you have a blog mention this and link back.

  • Send this Link to your family, friends and work colleagues.

We sometimes wallow in our own self pity that we forget how good we have it. We forget that there are millions of others struggling with issues far more life threatening than our own. Whilst we have a roof over our heads and food on the table others live under the stars without food for days. Many of us have Love in our Hearts, others are still looking for it. Help them find it - please!

This coming Friday, I'll make the donation and post the result. Thank you so much.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


This year thankfully there'll be no pulling my finger out. No getting back on track. No having to lose 6 kilos in the next six weeks. There'll be just doing as I have been - living and loving me and my life. I'll get up most mornings and go for a walk smelling the fresh, crisp air as I leave the house. I'll notice the dew on the grass and my footprints with each step I take. I'll see the sun flickering glimmers of light on the creek, I'll say "morning" or smile at every person I pass. I'll lift some heavy shit with Matt or Liz, and go about each and every day with intent and purpose glancing often as I pass by a mirror to admire my reflection. I'll accept every invitation to Christmas parties we are able to attend. I'll look forward to eating some quality restaurant food. I'll eat to the point of satisfaction and then I'll stop. I'll have a couple of glasses of wine and maybe a couple of vodies if I feel like it. If I don't I won't. I might have dessert, I might not. I'll be sociable, engage in conversation and enjoy listening to others and what they have to say. I'll laugh and have fun and might even have a boogie too. I'll go home and fall into bed exhausted from all the laughing and my feet will be aching from dancing in heels. I'll have a wonderful nights sleep and instead of waking up in the morning and going for a run I'll stay in bed for some morning glory. I'll get up and shower and give myself a smile in the mirror while I wait for the water to heat up before stepping in. Then I'll eat my normal breakfast and continue to eat normal for the rest of the day. I'll go with my husband and children looking at and appreciating all the effort others have gone to decorating their houses with xmas lights. I'll sing "Hi-5" Christmas songs with my kids as we drive around continually being "wowed". I'll smile when the kids yell out "Merry Christmas" to others as we pass them in the street. And when we get home and put the kids to bed I'll tell them "I love you". Then I'll go and sit on Santa's lap and tell him "I love you" too. I'll go to Church with my Mum this year, the first time in a very long time. I’ll wake up on Christmas morning and thank God for my wonderful life. I'll feel just as I have every other day leading up to this one - joyful and happy. I'll be excited and at ease when I open my box of Lindor Balls knowing that they'll last more than 1 day. I'll get emotional watching the joy on my children's faces as they open their presents from Santa and I'll cry when I read the card from my husband that says "I'm so proud of you" because this year I'll be proud of myself too for the right reasons. I'll enjoy the sharing of all meals with our families eating only the foods I feel like and again listening to my body and stopping when it tells me I've had enough. I'll lead the "cheers" by holding up a glass of my favourite verdehlo and saying "here's to a Christmas full of love, fun and laughter with family" whilst wearing my paper xmas hat that has come from a cracker. When dinner time comes I won't eat if I'm not hungry or I might decide to have just a little knowing that it is ok. I'll have a few vodies and sing xmas carols whilst whipping everyone in a card game and laughing like a hyena. And then I'll fall into bed thinking that it was the best Christmas Day ever.

Monday, November 9, 2009


Monday's Lift Heavy Shit Session

Bench Press
- 35 kgs x 24 reps
- 40 kgs x 14 reps
- 45 kgs x 5 reps

Lat Pulldown
- 140 pds x 20 reps
- 155 pds x 15 reps + 1

Push Press
- 30 kgs x 8 reps
- 25 kgs x 20 reps

Floor Press
- 30 kgs x 15 reps
- 30 kgs x 15 reps, miss 16


It's time to pull my finger out. I've been stuffing around for the past couple of months. And the extra fat has gone straight to my arse. Time to get back on track. I have to lose 6 kilos in the next six weeks. I wanna be 63 kilos by Christmas Day. I'll do cardio every day and weight train four days each week. I'll jump on the scales each week, sometimes mid week also so they can tell me whether to be happy or pissed off for the day. I'll decline Xmas party invitations or only go to the ones I have to because I won't be able to eat the food or drink alcohol or I'll go and either stand around churning on the inside and looking like a stuck up bitch or call it a cheat meal and go for gold so I go home stuffed to the brim that I want to be sick. When I can't fit any more food in during the night I'll sneak outside and suck a few ciggies into me hoping they might speed up my metabolism to digest the food or I won't eat but just get smashed instead. I'll wake up the next day, beat myself up doing a 10 km run in record time, then starve my body with minimal food for the remainder of the day to make up for what I ate/drank the night before. I'll look in the mirror and hate what I see for a few days until the bloat subsides but then I'll be smokin' hot again. I'll let my husband take the children xmas light looking because I'll be too tired and will have to go to bed with Big Dog. I'm gonna work so hard so on Christmas Day I'll be so happy when I jump on the scales and they tell me 62.9 kgs. I'll be so proud of myself. I'll feel invincible. I'll skimp on breakfast with the family so that I can eat more at lunchtime when I know the American Baked Cheesecake my husband has made will be served. I'll eat all of the left over Ferrero Rochers on the Xmas table so that there's none around tomorrow. I won't eat any of the salad cause it's Christmas Day and who eats salad on Xmas Day? I'll inhale 1 slice of cheesecake and because it was so bloody good I'll have a second piece. I'll try and drink alcohol to get drunk but there won't be much room so I'll just have to have a rest for a bit. I'll wander up the road for a bit to get a nicotine hit. Then I'll serve up the left overs for dinner but I'll still be full but I'll eat anyway. After dinner when everyone is sitting around drinking, laughing, playing cards with Christmas Carols playing I'll go to bed cause I really don't feel well and I just want today to be over so I can start again tomorrow. But just before I go to bed I might as well finish off the box of Lindor Balls my kids gave me. I'll fall into bed and think what a wonderful Christmas Day it was - NOT. I'll get up and pull myself back into line tomorrow and for the next few days so I can be 63 kgs again for New Years Eve.

Pigs Might Fly Too!!

To be continued..................

Sunday, November 8, 2009


What's wrong with saying "morning" to someone as you pass them on your morning walk? What's wrong with smiling at someone as you pass them in the street? What's wrong with helping an elderly lady find an item at a health food store? What's wrong with giving a wave and mouthing "thank you" to the driver of a car who gives way to you? What's wrong with tipping a handsome french waiter who has given you excellent dining service? What's wrong with picking up your rubbish when the event is over? What's wrong with telling your husband and children "I love you" every single day? There's absolutely nothing wrong with any of these things, yet why don't we do them more often? What's wrong in the world today is we lack showing kindness, gratitude, empathy and love to ourselves and are therefore unable to show it to others. I thank God every single day I'm no longer the bitch I used to be and give to myself as well as others.

Saturday, November 7, 2009


Inside your body is a hallway and right bang smack in the middle of the hallway between your soul and your mind lies your heart. The soul's nature is Joy and Joy runs to your heart and is then able to enter your mind. Our souls contain the language of our feelings. If you close your mind your feelings will back up in your heart and hence the term "my heart is breaking". And when you are really really happy your heart feels like it is bursting. If you allow yourself to express your feelings and have an open mind you'll push the feelings out and your heart will not break or burst and the life energy in your soul will be flowing freely. You can heal any moment if you have Joy in your heart.

Friday, November 6, 2009


I'll be doing this:

And this:
Yesterday's training got delayed till this afternoon due to Prince Charming arriving right on time on Tuesday and showing me exactly how my body is supposed to work on Wednesday. Since I knew I was going back to the floor deadlifting I thought it would be a sensible move and I was right again. I was reeeaaaallllllyyyyy nervous but knew I'd be right once I got started.

Friday's (usually Thursday's) Lift Heavy Shit Session

Full Deadlifts - 3's Up
- 90 kgs x 3 reps
- 100 kgs x 3 reps
- 110 kgs x 3 reps
- 120 kgs x 3 reps
- 130 kgs x 1 rep (PB)

Rack Pulls - 3's Up
- 120 kgs x 3 reps
- 130 kgs x 3 reps
- 140 kgs x 3 reps (PB)
- 150 kgs x 1 rep (PB)

Leg Press (Feet and Knees Together)
- 200 kgs x 30 reps
- 240 kgs x 20 reps
- 280 kgs x 15 reps
- 320 kgs x 6 reps (PB)


"I would much rather have the body I have now and the life I have now than any body I've had previously."

Accepting my body doesn't mean I'm delighted with all aspects of how I am, but it means that I can stop being critical about my reality in this moment and love what I see at this time. I can treat my body with respect, and understand that any body-hatred and self-loathing hampers my life and undermines my happiness. My Self, as well as my body, requires constant understanding, acceptance and love. I can stand before a mirror and own that this body is mine. I can appreciate my strong arms that allow me to lift heavy shit, my legs which take me where ever I want to go - walking or running. I can accept my womanly curves, my belly which has housed 3 babies, my stretch marks documenting my years of yo-yoing. I can love $10K well spent on boobies, my bright blue eyes, and being tall. And, most importantly, I now know that these physical aspects are only the external expression of my whole Self. I appreciate the complexity of my make-up without needing to choose a right or wrong way to be. I am contented with what is, inside and out.

Thursday, November 5, 2009


I’ve been joining the dots. Placing pieces of the jigsaw puzzle together. It’s coming together beautifully creating the most wonderful scenery anyone has ever seen. I’ve been trying to figure it all out. But there’s nothing to figure out. It’s already there. A done deal. The slowest method of creating is thinking. Your body performs all it’s most important functions without thinking about it. You blink, you breathe, you sweat, and your heart beats without a conscious thought. It’s simple but not easy. You must get out of your mind and be in a state of awareness. Do not mind a thing or a thought. You are a human BEing, not a human MINDing.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009


The perceived separation from your spirit deep within. You can't be separate from it cause it's a part of you. But you can believe you are separate from it. You can feel separate from it. You think that you are separate from it. You act like you are separate from it. And that's what causes the fear. The feeling of being separate from your spirit is what causes the fear and that's what causes the addiction. That's what causes the need for the painkillers. And that's what causes us to be the people we don't like being. And that's what causes us to need punishment.

On the other side of that pain is peace. On the other side of the sadness is peace. On the other side of the fear is peace. And you come to experience Joy which comes from deep within.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


Food Addicts think that food is their problem. Alcoholics think that grog is their problem. Drug Addicts think that drugs are their problem. Sex Addicts think that sex is their problem. People in a miserable marriage think marriage is the problem. People unhappy in their job think that the job is their problem. It's human nature. It's the way it is; always to think something outside of ourselves is the problem. When in reality it's us. We are the problem. The truth is it's a hopeless condition called Addiction.

In the past I have said that I either smoked or ate. If it wasn't either of these it was drinking to get drunk - the dozen or none syndrome. Exercising for a few hours in a day. I traded one addiction for another to block the feeling of fear.

And then freedom came knocking on my door. And when you get to facing your thinking you come to realise how that has gotten you to a place where you needed the excess food or nicotine.

When you face your life you can be totally free.

Monday, November 2, 2009


This one's already taken and in a very happy relationship BUT this one's single and 21 (hehehe).

Monday's Lift Heavy Shit Session

Incline Bench Press
- 58 kgs x 1 rep + 2 (watching hands)
- 58 kgs x 3 reps + 5 (vvv partial)
- 80 kgs x 10 reps (off pins - high)
- 85 kgs x 5 reps (on block)
- 85 kgs x 2 reps (on block)

Barbell Bent Rows
- 95 kgs x 5 reps + 5 (shoulder backs)
- 95 kgs x 6 reps (bend overs)
- 80 kgs x 12 reps (they were rows)

Tricep Overhead Extension
- 20 kgs x 7 reps + 1 (headscrape)
- 20 kgs x 6 reps (death)

Lying Bicep Cable Curl
- 23 kgs x 6 reps (scary hard)
- 20 kgs x 7 reps (v hard)
- 20 kgs x 6 reps (v hard)

A is for arms, attitude and assertive.


What if you THOUGHT like a naturally lean person? What if you ACTED like a naturally lean person? You would BE a naturally lean person. You'd get up, see the sun shining and decide that you'd like to go for a walk/run or lift some heavy shit. You'd spend some time just BEing with YourSELF. Deep breathing, meditating, relaxing. Whatever you want to call it. You'd sit down to breakfast with the family. You'd eat exactly what you felt like. Maybe a piece of toast, some bacon, an egg, some grilled tomato and mushrooms. You'd smell the food, taste the feel, feel the food. This is called eating mindfully. You'd put your knife and fork down between bites. Engage in conversation and laughter. Your food may even go cold because you are having so much fun that you're not even thinking about what you are eating, how much you are eating, is it enough protein, too many carbs, blah, blah, blah. You'd reach a point where you'd say "that was beautiful". You'd instinctively know that you'd had enough to eat. You are satisfied. Then you'd go about your day full of energy and enthusiasm. A few hours later (not even knowing the time or what time you ate breakfast) you'd start to feel hungry so you'd go and eat doing exactly the same as breaky. Eat when hungry, eat what you feel like, eat mindfully, stop when satisfied. More fun and play and then everyone is sitting down for a cuppa and cookies. You're feeling a little peckish but not hungry or starving but you'd like to enjoy the experience with everyone else so you grab a cuppa but instead you ask yourself "Do I really feel like a cookie?" and the answer might be yes in which you'll take one, enjoy every bite and then forget about it or the answer might be "Actually no, I feel like an apple". Or you might decide to have both. Whatever you decide is OK also. Then it's the big family dinner. They've decided on getting pizza's. You're shaking with dread. Oh shit, I'm gonna break my diet. I can't eat that. I'll eat it but I'll get up and go for a run tomorrow to make up for it. All destructive and negative self talk. Or you could accept your thoughts by acknowledging them and throwing them in the river and not attaching any feelings to them. You ask does anyone else want some salad to go with their pizza. I'm making a big bowl. You might eat 1 or 2 pieces of pizza, have some salad and go "fanfuckingtastic". Again you're belly is satisfied, your head is happy and positive and your heart is loving you just as much as you are loving it. And just to top off a wonderful day you have a cuppa and mini chocolate as a nightcap before hitting the pillow, saying thanks for everything wonderful in your life and you drift off to sleep and dream beautiful dreams.

Sunday, November 1, 2009


Had an absolutely awesome night out last night with the girls - Selina, Selina's friend (oops sorry can't remember her name), Jeh, Jadey, Fern, Shannon, Lyndsay and her hubby. Beautiful food, wonderful wine, a couple of sneaky vodies, but the best part - simply being with gorgeous girls laughing and having fun. Unfortunately we didn't get a group shot and I'll leave the other girls to put up some of the pics of them.

Hubby surprises me with the camera whilst getting ready

And the text from hubby I wasn't able to translate: "Je veux te faire l'amour"


And excerpt from the book Full Lives by Lindsey Hall.

Susan Kano

The best analogy I've found for the leap of faith into spontaneous eating is from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. In that movie, Indiana and his father search for the Cup of Christ, the Holy Grail, which is said to bring eternal life to anyone who drinks from it. Through a lifetime of research, Mr Jones Sr has learned how to find the Holy Grail and that in doing so he will face "three devices of lethal cunning" otherwise known as booby traps. In the Chronicles of St Anselm, he found clues to getting through the traps. The third clue says "The Path of God: Only in the leap from the lion's head will he prove his worth."

When Indiana reaches this third and final challenge, he stands next to a carving of a lion's head, at the edge of a canyon, miles deep and plenty wide enough to rule out an exceptionally broad jump. There seems to be no way to get to the other side of the canyon, where a cave, carved out of a sheer wall of rock, holds the Holy Grail. Indiana remembers the clue, "Only in the leap from the lion's head, will he prove his worth," and we hear his father, who was left behind with a mortal wound, saying "You must believe, boy, you must believe." Indiana has to believe that if he "leaps" or steps off the edge of the lion's side of the canyon, he will somehow, by the grace of God, not fall to his death, but rather will be allowed to reach the Holy Grail. We see him standing there, looking down, and it's pretty obvious that he's thinking, "Damn it! My father would expect something like this! I'd have to be out of my mind..." But he realizes that he has little choice. If he doesn't try, his father will die and he too will be killed. So he squeezes his eyes shut and he painfully, slowly forces himself to step off the edge, more or less expecting to fall, but hoping and desperately trying to believe that a miracle will save him and lead to the Holy Grail.

If you saw the movie, you know that when Indiana managed to find the faith and courage to step out into thin air, a narrow bridge miraculously appeared underfoot and he very carefully, very slowly, inched across to reach the other side and the Holy Grail. The analogy is clear. As long as you stand on the lion's side of the canyon, you live with chronic dieting, binge eating, or another problem with food. On the other side of the canyon is God's gift to us all: spontaneous, effortless eating and natural weight control. But the only way to get across the canyon is to step into what looks like thin air. There doesn't appear to be anything there to support you. It doesn't feel like you're going to make it across. All you have is scientific studies which indicate that your body is designed to regulate your weight, if only you would let it do its job unopposed.