BRING IT ON!!

P R UPDATE

"Cluck cluck cluck", "Buck, buck, ba buck". Help, I'm turning into a chicken sweet potato head. And loving it! Feeling really good. Don't know if I'm looking better yet - only time will tell. Gee, this is an exciting venture. Off to cook tomorrow's food. Yep, more chicken and sweet potato and another 100g oats - woo hoo.

PRACTICE RUN DAY 4

Scale weight = 61.4 kg

Training = Absolutely feckin nothing! Don't wanna use up any of the carbs going in today. Was strange to arrive at work this morning and not be training. Even a member commented that it was unusual that they arrived and I wasn't already there "having a go".

Feeling = Aaaahhhhh my luscious carbs are back on the menu today. New record set - 100 grams of oats (in one sitting) but holy shit (literally). They went straight through me. I actually did have trouble getting them all in. I loved my posing lesson with Jo yesterday and got my new bikini - I LOVE LOVE LOVE it! We've come up with a new tricep pose for me which shows off my obliques. Gotta keep practising all my poses though. I think I'm doing great when at home then I go see Jo and she twists and turns me in all directions to bring out the best and hide the flaws. I feel like a contortionist.

MESSAGE FROM LIZ

Liz wanted me to let everyone know that her computer has crashed and that she will be offline for a couple of days. So, if you are expecting any programs or email replies that's why you haven't got it.

PRACTICE RUN DAY 3

Scale weight = 61.7 kg

Training = 4.30 am 30 min tready walk, 5.40 am Chest/Biceps/Front & Rear Delts + 15 mins elliptical

Feeling = Thought I would be feeling stupid, foggy, forgetful, tired, etc that comes with carb depleting but nope feeling good. Maybe I'm not depleted enough yet to cross over into blabberville? I am, however, pissed off that I was woken at 3 am by the smoke detector bipping cause the battery was low. Hubby disconnected it, came back to bed, then the other one started. Up again for disconnection and I decided best to get up then rather than go back to sleep only to be woken in 1/2 an hour by the alarm. As I got to work early decided I do my cardio before 1st client then just a tad after weights. The scales surprised me this morning with a 100 gram (same same Katie) increase.

Overall, getting through the past couple of days with ease. Looking forward to tomorrow's carb up. Off to see Jo again today for some more posing practice - yeehah!

PRACTICE RUN DAY 2

Scale weight = 61.6 kg

Training = 6.30 am Back/Triceps/Shoulders + 30 mins steady state cardio (10 a piece bike, elliptical, tready)

Feeling = Particularly good. Had a nice sleep in this morning before getting up to train. Just finished 2nd breaky. Surprisingly not hungry with lower cals for a few days and actually enjoying what I'm eating. Nicole, Em (other bridesmaid) and I mentioned yesterday doesn't really matter what it is we just LOVE food. Shame you can't live without it but since we must gotta savour and enjoy the different textures, flavours and smells.

Day 2 photos have been delayed this morning as we had guests over last night who ending up staying over. Since I was the only sober one (for a change) I offered to take them home but their kids were asleep so t'was easier just to bunk here. They're just finishing off their greasy hangover breaky before heading home then I'll get stuck in some more food prep for the next couple of days.

PRACTICE RUN DAY 1

Scale weight = 62.2 kg

Training = 5.30 am Hip Dominant Legs (ouch!) + 30 mins steady state cardio (10 mins a piece - tready, elliptical, bike)

I was scheduled to do Back & Triceps again today but cannot believe how sore my upper body still is (lats, biceps & pecs) after this weeks training so decided to wait another day and focus on some butt squeezin'.

Feeling = Today marks the first day of my comp prep practice run being for the upcoming photo shoot on Thursday. Honestly, initially when going through my plan I freaked out a bit as this is a bit different from what I've done previously and obviously this scares me BUT I want to give this my best shot so will have a go and see how it works. Different isn't bad, different is just that - different! It's only for a few days and I can see if it makes much difference to my look! Better to have the chance to trial things now than leave it to chance later on. Bring it on I say!!

Just about to get hubby to take day 1 photos then off wedding jewellery shopping with the bride.

THE DOWNSIDE OF INCREASED FLUID CONSUMPTION

Training = 4.30 am 45 mins cardio mix (absolutely smacked it this morning)

Feeling = I'm probably one of a minority of people that actually likes water. This week in an effort to shock the shit out of my body and drop more fat one tactic I've employed is drinking a lot more water as well as herbal tea. But the downside is peeing all the time. I have to go immediately before leaving the house, make sure there's a loo at my destination, carry a rounded belly full of water, get up in the middle of the night to go, get woken from my daytime slumber with my bladder screaming at me. And what is it with asparagus that makes your wizz smelly? Anyway, lucky for me this week has been quiet and I've spent a lot of time at home making best friends with the dunny.

Whatever I've done this week I have a feeling has been bloody advantageous in the fat loss department. I look heaps leaner, especially in the legs which are the last place for the fat to piss off from. I'm yet to do an official first thing in the morning weigh-in but have had a sneak peak one evening and once yesterday during the day and it's looking pretty damn fine. I'll report in once I do the deed.

CHOCOLATE CLIENTS!!

Training = 5.40 am Day 3 (Chest/Biceps/Front & Rear Delts). Here I was thinking what another fantastic weights session I had this morning and then I joined Sue for 1/2 of my "Squat 200" cardio session she was doing and holy fucken hell we smashed it and I feel AWESOME!!


Feeling = Whilst working with online clients yesterday I got thinking about how my clients are like chocolates to me. I like all of my clients (otherwise I wouldn't train them) but I do have a few "favourites". I think I love helping and training them so much cause they are similar to me. They're dedicated, self motivated, they have the desire, they love training hard, are not scared to push hard and heavy, they motivate and inspire me in different ways but most of all they love learning, trial and error, improvement, and working on being the best they possibly can. Today's picture is dedicated to you all (Marie, Melinda, Kylie, Sue, Hilary & Danae). Of course they have their bad days, as do I, but they never give in or give up. Girls - you rock! Keep up the great work.

As I said above my training is rocking, I'm feeling fabulous and looking forward to a vietnamese dinner tonight with Liz and Carolyn.

HOW BADLY DO YOU WANT IT?

Training = 5.40 am Day 2 (back/triceps/shoulders) + 30 mins steady state cardio (15 mins jogging, 15 mins elliptical)

Feeling = Can you hold out and stick to it or are you finding it really difficult? How badly do you want it? You can do anything just for a day! I've been asking myself and a couple of my clients these questions over the past couple of days. Is the effort worth the outcome? What have you got to lose? It's trial and error. Sometimes it'll work, sometimes it won't - but at least you had a go. No-one has looked back sadly on a life full of experiences, but many look back wishing they had the courage to do more. I'm a doer, not a gunna!!! I'll try anything once, twice and more if it was good!


Happy hump day. I have white thigh high boots just like these ones in the picture. Oh, and boobs too (LOL). Can you tell I'm very happy this morning? No reason other than having a fantastic training session this morning!

STAYING THE COURSE

Training = 4.45 am 15 mins hard intervals followed by 15 mins steady state

Feeling = It's important to be proud of yourself for what you've achieved so far, but don't sit back and rest on your laurels. The hard work is not over once you have begun to see results. You need to keep up what you are doing in order to be happy with your results. So continue to eat in moderation and get that training done. You're on the right track, so just keep pushing forward!

TRAVELLING ALONG

Training = 5 am 10 mins hard intervals, 15 mins steady state cardio, 6.30 am Day 1 (new program)

Feeling = Each day is a new day. From the moment my feet hit the floor at some ungodly hour I'm taking one step at a time, stopping to smell the roses along the way, learning as if I was to live forever. Taking it easier this week. MIL goes home today after lunch so I've been reinstated as Domestic Engineer and Taxi Driver. Not much else to report on. I'm boring today!

THE WOMAN IS A GENIUS!!

Training = Complete rest day

Feeling = I could feel the downward spiral starting on Friday night then by yesterday morning I had reached rock bottom. The words "over it", "sick of it", "had enough", came to mind. I had put in extra effort this week to receive what I felt was minimal reward and gain. I felt like I was fighting a losing battle. Lots of carbs later and I was a different person. I went to see Jo. The woman is worth her weight in gold! I spent a couple of hours with her going through training, nutrition with many questions answered for me. And finally finished off with posing. I had forgotten how hard it was and obviously I haven't been posing as hard at home. My lower back this morning is very sore. I'm stepping away from the scales for a while as I don't need them to tell me what I can see in the mirror and feel with my fingers.

We had a great night last night and I'm happy this morning I'm not hungover as I only had a few drinks. Here's a couple of my favourite family pics.

WHAT'S THE QUESTION AGAIN?

Scale weight = down 0.2 to 62.5 kg (piss poor surprise tight arse)

Training = 5.30 am 45 min walk, 7 am Kettlebell Training with Miss Kettlebell Diva

Feeling = I received an email in my inbox yesterday titled "It weakens You". I was intrigued and read further and then a couple of times throughout the day. The basis of the email was asking oneself when making a decision about something whether it weakens or strengthens you. It was much more than about physical strength. It was about strenthening your entire self. It was about being your best self. I thought about the test question "Does it strengthen me or does it weaken me?" and what a great way to guide my decisions and actions. For example:

Alcohol - weakens me (as it does most)

Exercise - strengthens me

Being angry - weakens me

Enough sleep - strengthens me

Planning ahead - strengthens me

Binge eating - weakens me

Eating moderately - strengthens me

etc, etc. Maybe asking yourself this question will be a valuable tool for you too.

Of course, I've a 21st on tonight and will be consuming alcohol so yes it'll weaken me but I can cope with that for a day, it's not like I drink every day!

I'm off this morning to see the fabulous Jo Rogers for some posing practice and critique of my physique. She's a straight shooter so I'm really keen for some feedback. And I might even get my bikini or at least a sneak peak!

ROCK LEGENDS!!

Scale weight = don't know, don't care - I'm still a rock star!

Training = 5.30 am 30 mins cardio intervals, 7 am Workout E (the end of A to E - new program next week)

Feeling = I have a date, a target, a goal - yippee (claps hands). Yep, little goals along the path on the way to the stage. Thursday, 2 April (approaching 6 wks out) a photo shoot with Gym Funky. I'll be using this opportunity for a practice run of loading, depleting, manipulating to see how I look and will then be able to assess if I need to make changes to my plan. So, I'm getting pimped out and pumped up and modelling some funky outfits (check out the range NOW if you haven't already seen it - end of season sale on now too!)

Last night I was all hyped up ready for a smashing kickboxing session eating my beloved red frogs for energy on the drive there only to find out we got the times wrong and the class wasn't till later on. I hadn't eaten dinner and the time was too late for this little bunny so had to give it a miss. Instead came home and enjoyed a family dinner of roast lamb stuffed with whole cloves of garlic and baked covered in wholegrain mustard then after a shower proceeded to prance around the house in my pj's and hooker heels and eating dessert of icecream with chocolate topping with a smashed crunchie on top.

Trained my little legend early this morning. It's so exciting to see improvements week after week. The satisfaction and pleasure I get from doing a job I love and helping others is positive reinforcement that I've found my niche and continually inspires and motivates me to be the best I can be.

KICKIN' ARSE - YAH!

Scale weight = Didn't get on this morning (believe it!) I'm playing a game and hoping for a surprise in a couple of days.

Training = 5.30 am 30 mins steady state cardio, 7 am Workout D, 6 pm Kickboxing class with Nicole

Feeling = Gonna kick the shit out of the pads tonight so you better be holding on tight Nicole. Gonna punch that fear to kingdom come. Gonna get mean, gonna get angry, gonna lose control, gonna go CRAZY!! Then crawl out of the room, come home, eat and sleep like a baby. That's the plan of attack anyway.

Gorgeous hubby finally arrived home last night so we're back to one big happy family again - hooray! His comment when he seen me "God babe, there's nothin' left of ya!"

Meeting up with Liz today for a long overdue lunch and catchup. I'm thinking a Vietnamese Chicken Salad - Mmmmm yummy!

STEPPING OUT OF STAGE 2

Scale weight = down 0.2 to 62.7 kg (too tired to care and make comment today)

Training = 5.40 am Workout C + 30 mins SS cardio

Feeling = Yesterday I had a couple of freak out moments about how lean I'm getting. I've had a fantastic couple of days. With MIL here life is a breeze. She washes, cleans, irons and does kid duties and all I have to do is the food prep (she knows what I'm like with food), work, do my training and think about me, me, me! I'm now entering Stage 3. Feeling the fear, doing it anyway and embracing the emotion as part of the journey.

In life positivity really is the key.

It's the only way for you to be.

Doors will open much faster for you

When you're positive, not negative and blue.

If you go through this life with a smile.

Your journey will be more worthwhile.

Everyone loves to see a friendly face.

Complaining should not be common place.

Try and be nicer to all who you meet

Whether at home, work or in the street.

Take less for granted and appreciate more

Positivity is a gift, it shouldn't be a chore.

Now is the time to take control.

Kick-start your heart, mind, body and soul.

Be more positive starting from today.

It will help you further along your way.

POSITIVITY - A CHAIN REACTION!!

Scale weight = down 0.4 to 62.9 kg (feeling lean, looking lean)


Training = 5.30 am 30 mins ss cardio, 7 am Workout B


Feeling = Ever noticed how when you are positive things seem to fall into place without so much effort? Ever noticed when you smile at someone they usually smile back? Ever noticed when you talk positively to someone you can turn their negativity into positivity? It's infectious, a chain reaction.


Throughout my trials and tribulations I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life." I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, your friends, the needs of others, your work and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open mind and heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch - holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back or kind word. I've learned that I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that you should pass this on to someone you care about. I just did. Sometimes they just need a little something to make them smile. Note: People will forget what you said, People will forget what you did, but People will never forget how you made them feel... "

THE MASTER OF MY DOMAIN!

Scale weight = up 0.4 to 63.3 kg (why? no apparent reason)


Training = 5.30 am 10 min warmup, 15 mins intervals, 7 am Workout A (loving my "building bigger biceps" project)


Feeling = Looking forward to a really productive week. Back on deck at work and glad to be back training my favourite clients. Keeping everything in control again this week hoping to nudge just a little bit more off as we've got a 21st to go to on Saturday night and because MIL is here taking over with the household chores (washing, ironing, cleaning) and doing the school drop offs, pick ups and after school activities I've got more time to add a couple of extra walks in. Hubby is still away and maybe for a couple more days. God, he's gonna owe me big time!


Oh and shit! forgot to take a set of keys to the house with me yesterday as we went in sister's car so had to smash a window and put Jayden through to unlock a door when we got home - ggrrrr, now gotta pay for a new window - bugger! At least Jayden was happy as I told him he was the hero and rescuer.

PRACTICE MAKES CLOSE TO PERFECT!

Scale weight = up 0.1 to 62.9 kg (ppffttt!)


Training = heading down to the park in a minute to meet Nicole for some kettlebell training


Feeling = No-one is totally, completely 100% perfect but by practicing we can get as close as humanly physically and mentally possible. Life is all trial and error, learning and experience. Change is scary but can also be a good thing. I'm changing day by day. Getting softer and squishier meaning the fat's on the way out. 9 weeks out today - scary but exciting!

We're going to White Water World today for some slippin' and slidin' and FUN! Hope the water's not cold and the sun is shining!

THE WORLD IS MY OYSTER!

Scale weight = same at 62.8 kg (taken like a grain of salt)

Training = 30 min tready walk before breaky, after breaky promised Jayden a walk in the pram

Feeling = Wow, what a powerful week it's been. I've grown, somewhat matured into a strong beast, an animal, roaming wild and free, taking on any challenge in it's path. Winning the battles, becoming my own hero, a legend in my own time. Wait just a minute whilst I pull myself out of my arse (ha ha). No, seriously - it's been such a fantastic week for human growth and self-exploration. Forgive me for being selfish and just wanting some time to myself. Yesterday I really started to miss all my blogging friends so decided it's time to open up again.

My sister and her family are arriving this morning for the weekend on their 4 week trip around Qld plus Dave's mum (MIL) is arriving this afternoon for just over a week. I'm looking forward to seeing them all, especially my two butthead nephews, but also having a helping hand around the house and with the kids next week allowing me to recover even more. I feel a bit weak strength wise after being sick and run down but no doubt that will return soon enough.

I'M SOOOO FRIGGIN' HUNGRY!

It's now 11.14 pm. I went to bed at 9.45 pm. I tried to will myself to sleep for 45 minutes feeling my belly rumbling with hunger pains. I can deal with slight hunger, but this was extreme. I feel so sorry for the poor bastards in third world countries that feel this every single day of their lives. It's unpleasant to say the least. So, I got up and ate and guess I'll now be calling this a maintenance day and don't expect the scales to go down tomorrow. Lucky I've got time up my sleeve!

STRONG MIND, STRONG BODY!!

Scale weight = down 0.3 to 62.8 kg (you're going down bro!)

Training = 30 minute walk before breaky, might go for another walk this arvo

Feeling = On an even keel! Confident! I know what I'm doing! I slept most of the day on Wednesday, 9 hours sleep Wednesday night then went back to bed yesterday for a couple of hours after taking kids to school. Another 8 hours sleep last night and I'm feeling a whole lot better. I haven't slept so much in ages. Must have done me the world of good cause I'm starting to feel normal (human) again. I decided to start taking measurements this morning and see what goes on there athough I'm quite aware that these too can be just as inaccurate as the scales depending on where exactly you take them and how tight you pull the tape each time. Mmmm, pancakes with chocolate topping and ice-cream for breakfast.

SOMETIMES I WONDER WHY?

Scale weight = down 0.4 to 63.1 kg (pressure's on)


Training = none as yet, maybe if I feel ok later


Feeling = Begin each day thinking, "Let the adventure begin!" I'm feeling under a bit of pressure this morning. Thinking I'm not doing enough cardio. Not like I used to anyway. But I must remember I'm still 9 weeks out. Plenty of time to get there. But I'm on a mission this week and would like to hit sub 63's. But again Shelley remember that's still 3 days away. Stick to the plan, follow the course of action. One day at a time. You can do it! You will do it!

SHIT, I SPOKE TOO SOON!!

Not long after breakfast I got the sweats back, rather lightheaded and dizzy and in need of lying down. I'm so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. But, I'm a smart girl. Rescheduled the rest of the weeks clients, cancelled my training (maybe), and am going to sleep the week away. If I'm not better by the end of the week I'll fucken kill myself. Not really, just a figure of speech. Goodnight!

TODAY IS GOING TO BE ANOTHER GREAT DAY

Scale weight = up 0.3 to 63.5 kg (yet I look leaner through the abs today)

Training = 5.40 am Workout E then more hard intervals (30:30 speed skipping x 5, incline tready sprints 20:40 x 5, elliptical squat sprints 15:45 x 5 + 5 mins SS - short, sharp, smashed!)

Feeling = Exploding with confidence and excitement. Antibiotics have kicked in slightly and I'm feeling a little better physically although not even close to 100%. The past couple of days have been the best thing I've done for me for a long time. I slept for most of the morning yesterday and had to drag my arse out of bed again at lunchtime. Wanted to keep sleeping but worried I wouldn't sleep last night if I did. I'm feeling relaxed and visualising myself standing on that stage knowing I did the best I possibly could. Self-discovery is one of life's greatest pleasures. It's doing what others say cannot be done.

EMBRACING THE SOLITUDE

Where am I? HERE

What time is it? NOW

My house is quiet, I hear only the drier and the wind outside. I feel at peace with myself. I have the phones turned off and enjoying the quietness and stillness. Although I'm sick I feel fabulous. It's important to take a step back, to take time out, and realise that you are unique, your own person, embrace your strengths and weaknesses, encourage growth, and relish in your own beauty.

This sounds like I'm depressed or turning religious or something but far, far from the truth. Loving my week and surrounded by positive energy.

The greatest thing in the world is to know how to be one's own self.

BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR I CAN

Scale weight = down 1.3 to 63.2 kg (thank fuck for that)

Training = 4.30 am Workout D

Feeling = Sick as a dog! Got all nauseous, hot and sweaty last night and had to go to bed at 8 pm. Got up this morning, thinking I felt ok, so trotted off and did my training but then 1/2 way through training my first client started to feel really sick again and had to sit down and have a drink of water. Finished off morning clients and now home and about to reschedule the rest of today's clients so I can go to bed and hopefully sleep it off. Hoping antiobotics should kick in and start working soon.

DICKHEAD DOCTORS

Diagnosis = pussy tonsils.

Also spoke to her about the guts gurggling to which she NFI. I swear I know more about nutrition and losing body fat than most doctors. I'll just continue to nut it out all by myself.

Anyway, got the drugs I need so hopefully will start to feel better by tomorrow. I had a sleep after lunch today before school pickup and when I woke (from my bladder) I felt I could have just kept sleeping for the rest of the day. I feel so run down and tired.

DON'T WANNA BE A DRAMA QUEEN!

Messages flooding in from fellow bloggers worried about me and wondering where I am. I'm not usually a private person. In fact, quite the opposite. Open, outgoing and out there but suddenly something inside me wants to work this out on my own. I want to grow stronger again from a personal perspective. I want to show that pea brain of mine that I am strong, that I can do it, that I am confident, that I possess the necessary skills and talent to get to where I want to go. I want to take good care of myself, just as I have taken such good care of others. I'm not hiding, just working on some really powerful internal feelings and for some reason want to do it quietly. I do, however, feel really privileged that I have so many caring friends.

RECOGNISING WHAT NEEDS WORK

Scale weight = up 0.4 to 64.5 kg (__unt)

Training = 3.50 am 30 mins hard intervals (tready run 30 secs at 16 km/hr, 30 secs off x 9, 10kg DB swings 20 swings, 45 secs rest x 6, single leg hip bridge 3 x 10 each leg). Feel completely wrecked now.

Feeling = My body is a continual work in progress. It follows second but what comes first is how my mind thinks. I've recognised that I need to again practice some positive self talk, read through my mantra's on a daily basis, and believe in myself. Determination is whatever the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve. I am turning this around. I will not dwell on negative thoughts or images but change my perspective to positive outcomes where I will be the winner. I can do this! I will do this! Just watch me. Jeanelle would be proud of me. I miss her.

I've had the worst nights sleep being awake since around 2.30 am. Back DOMS were so uncomfortable (from lat pulldowns and DB shadowboxing on Saturday). The glands in my neck are like big marbles, sore throat and I'm still blowing heaps of snot and coughing up phlegm and feeling hot and sweaty and generally not 100%. It's been a week of battling by myself so I think I best head to the doctors today for antibiotics. I've got soooo much gas again which is taking the pleasure away a little bit from eating and drinking as I hate the gurgling that follows. I'm sick of trying to work out what's causing it. I'll mention to the doctor today but I doubt he'll have any idea. Hubby has headed away early this morning for another week so I'm all by myself again.

WHAT THE MIND FUCK?

Feeling really really emotional this morning. Just went and had the biggest bawl in the toilet. Haven't had one of those for ages. So now my eyes are all red and swollen. Don't know why? Scared maybe. What of? Doing it alone this time, no safety net as in Coach. Am I a good enough judge to get me the look I want this time? Don't want to arrive too early, but don't want to leave it too late. Want to be just right! Self doubt is upon me. Think I need to go hit the gym which will make me feel better. I will not wallow any longer. I'm building a bridge and getting over it!

GOING PRIVATE FOR A WEEK

Scale weight = up 0.1 from yesterday and same as Friday at 64.1 kg

Training = 6 am 60 min walk/run, 8.30 am Workout C

Feeling = I've been sitting pretty comfortably over the past couple of weeks eating between 1750 and 3500 calories, overindulging a couple of times, but still maintaining quite nicely. My next goal listed on my spreadsheet is to hit 63 kg's by 9 weeks out (next Sunday). Now that's 63 kg full of shit or 62 kg or under de-pooped. So, I need to put my foot down again and go for it this week. I don't want any outside influence to take my focus away so I've decided to go private for a week but continue to keep a record for myself. Nothing drastic, just maintaining my current training and sticking to the lower end of my cal range until I see how things pan out. Dave took some progress pics last night. There's nothing like photos to put things into perspective as to how lean you actually are or aren't. There's still a lot of fat on my legs and arse. I want to make sure I get there in time. They need to be leaner and tighter this time round. I'm actually quite excited to have something to work towards again.

EXCUSE ME!!

Everyone keeps telling me how lean I am. It's freaking me the fuck out! I'm a good weight. I'm happy. I'm confident. I think I look good. I think this is a good weight to maintain. I'd rather be lean than fat. Awesome night at boxing and hubby and I headed to the Normanby pub afterwards for a couple more brews and a chat and listen to some live music. I'm a people watcher. I glanced around the pub and didn't see one person as muscular or lean as I was. Am I abnormal? I don't want to be ordinary. I want to be extraordinary. These people were drinking, dancing and seemed to be enjoying their world just as I enjoy mine but are they truly happy as I am? Yep, I drank alcohol, had a couple of slices of pizza tonight, and now enjoying some oats, powder and peanut butter before bed. Will I worry about the scales tomorrow? Maybe, maybe not. I'm 10 weeks out and I estimate I've got around 4 kilos of fat to shed, maybe more, maybe less - who knows till I get closer. All I know right now is if a man should conquer in battle a thousand and a thousand more, and another man should conquer himself, his would be the greater victory, because the greatest of victories is the victory over oneself. Excuse me, I'm pissed! Best go to bed now.

BAGGY PANTS & THE NIT WITS

Scale weight = up 0.3 to 64.1 kg

Training = 4.15 am Workout A (I think my biceps ARE getting bigger!)

Feeling = Happy to hang here for a bit longer. Really loving how I look and feel at this weight (once I get the belly bloating gone again - I've got the gurgles back!) Yesterday I was showered, shaved and shuper sexy heading to have a much needed colour job on my hair. I put on a pair of long denim shorts which were ridiculously baggy and couldn't believe I've bypassed wearing them. Didn't have time to go searching for something else to wear so wore them anyway. Then, after leaving the hairdressers walking past what I refer to as a skinny bitch shop (Supre) jeans in the window caught my eye and since I'm going to a boxing match tonight with Scott and Nicole (our 10 year wedding anniversary too) and want to look hot thought I'd try them on. Size S too friggin' big but I didn't have time to go stuffing around trying on more as I was late to get the kids from school. Came home and tried on a pair of black skinny leg jeans I haven't worn for yonks and what'd ya know - perfect! Teamed with a pair of heels and blingy top (I'm thinking halter neck) and I'm ready to rock! But then later went out to buy some focus mitts and kickbag and ended up buying a brand new pair of dark blue denim skinny leg jeans which are fricken HOT! And now can't wait for tonight! Gosh, it's a great feeling.

On another note, I LOVE training strong, tough women. I'm now training this little lady and she's a machine. Always gives 110%. I know her muscles are hurting but she doesn't give in. She's a fighter and that's how beautiful physiques are made.

WHO DO YOU TRUST?

Scale weight = up 0.2 to 63.8 kg

Training = Workout F (little bit of this and a little bit of that)

Feeling = When it comes to training and nutrition who do you trust? The internet, fitness magazines, your family and friends, your Personal Trainer/Coach or yourself? When it comes to my nutrition I believe and trust what I do is right for me. I do, however, realise that everyone is different and what works for me may not always work for others. Case example, I have two clients I'm preparing to compete in May. One does well on higher carbs and not so well on lower carbs, the other seems to do better on moderate carbs. This tells me that we are each individuals and need to structure our nutrition requirements accordingly. I love my training, I do what feels right. This may change from time to time, even day to day. I listen to my body and I look at my body. I like structure, I love programs, I love following a schedule. With diarising my training I find I aim higher and push harder each session to beat the previous one. A trainer is beneficial in this regard for guidance, motivation, inspiration and that encouragement we all need from time to time but if you don't trust your trainer and have confidence in what/how they are training you then it's time to move on to someone else. The relationship between trainer and client must be two-fold. You need to have the desire and dedication, they need to support you fully and want the very best for you. After all, your success is their success. When you have this you're on a winning formula to achieving everything outside of your comfort zone and inside the possibility zone. Belief in oneself is also paramount. As the saying goes "if you don't believe, you won't achieve!" Who do you trust?

COMBINING FATS & CARBS IN THE SAME MEAL

Scale weight = same at 63.6 kg (noice, different, unusual!)

Training = 4.20 am 25 min walk, 5.40 am Workout E (loving my new training program)

Feeling = Much better today although still hacking. Must be a bug cause daughter has been sick too and now hubby is still in bed feeling like his head is going to explode!

This post is not designed to create controversy but rather a journal entry for myself. I usually have at least one meal a day of oats and protein powder and sometimes will add honey, especially post workout. On a number of occasions I have noticed that afterwards I enter light-headedness and fatigue. Knowing that this was probably due to an insulin spike I grinned and beared it and held out for the next meal. Interestingly enough, Katie and I had a discussion about this on the weekend and she suggested adding peanut butter instead of the honey which may slow down the digestion of the carbs and prevent such a spike in blood glucose levels. Me being quite open to new tastes and textures and such a huge lover of peanut butter gave it a go resulting in a positive outcome. Since then I’ve been adding peanut butter to my oats each time and have noticed a huge difference in my body’s response. I know there is varying opinions on mixing fats and carbs, especially in the same meal, but as long as the fat is disappearing I’m not concerned at all. Leigh Peele's site has an interesting article written by Alan Aragon titled Carbs and Fat: Friends After All? in which this particular paragraph rang true for me: The bottom line is that as long as you’re aware of your macronutrient targets for the day, go ahead and sludge that peanut butter into your oatmeal if your little heart desires it. Leave the neurotic eating behaviours for those with a lot of faith in fairy tales.

YOU GOT DRUGS?

Scale weight = down 0.6 to 63.6 kg

Training = 4.30 am Workout D (no form of cardio whatsoever)

Feeling = I need drugs! Of the antiobotic kind. Last day in Sydney I woke up sneezing (hayfever) and slowly my head and chest has filled with snot. I considered cancelling training and clients today so I could just sleep it off but I've got too many booked in and I'm not one to let people down. So, I'll battle through hoping not to cough up phlegm all over my clients. In saying that I did actually have a great training session this morning but the thought of being breathless, even slightly, through cardio was just not going to happen.

BACK TO REAL LIFE

Scale weight = up 0.2 from last Thursday 64.2 kg (back on my scales)

Training = rest day today

Feeling = Busy, busy, busy today catching up. These pics were taken over the past couple of days whilst in Sydney with Katie. We had the bestest time ever and have already planned our next get together. Can't wait to spend some more special times with my awesome friend.

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS FAILURE, ONLY FEEDBACK!

The easy thing for me to do here would be to write how great the swim was, how great I felt, how strong I swam, that it was awesome.

But in reality it sucked! I hated it and never want to do it again! The morning was full of anticipation about what it would be like, planning my strategy (not going out like a bull at a gate but rather nice and easy to begin with). My age group was called and I headed to the jetty. When allowed to enter the water, I dived straight in knowing that if I hesitated would make it worse. I didn't feel the temperature of the water, I didn't think about sharks, I just adjusted my goggles whilst treading water and could feel the surge of adrenelin. The gun went off, I started swimming getting kicked, punched, bumped into and found that I was hardly moving. With each breathe I had to lift my head high out of the water the waves were so choppy. I started swimming with my head above the water but even that seemed impossible. I told myself I could do it. I tried my hardest but it wasn't good enough on the day. The last breathe I took I swallowed a gut full of really salty water which made me spew in Sydney Harbour. I decided then and there "fuck this I'm not gonna make it". I stopped, treaded water and put my hand up to be rescued. Got picked up by a board guy and loaded into a boat and headed back to the jetty.

Initially, I was disappointed in myself and for a brief moment felt I had failed. But in the scheme of things I am a winner. I had a go. I'm a decent swimmer (in the pool) but realised that for an open water swim I need to train in open water. Previously, this kind of behaviour would have sent me to the nearest Seven Eleven for lollies and chocolate and whatever other shit I could get my hands on but not today. After a post-swim meal, pepsi and chat with Fern, Katie and I headed to the gym where I had a really great session. Do I feel regret now - nah! The important thing here is that I tried my hardest and that is only what we can all do, put in down to experience and move on. Next!!!!