When we are confused about who we are we become obsessed with food and weight and diets because we are afraid of ourselves. We avoid our negative feelings. We love the feeling of controlling our lives with a plan for what we eat, when we eat, how much (or how little) we eat, when and how we train because it takes away the emptiness, the hollow, the hole inside. We pre-occupy ourselves with all of this to fill the void. We feel better about ourselves because we've achieved a certain weight, a certain look through following a certain diet or a certain plan.
Today is Sunday, market day. Organic food markets right here in Brisbane. I had not planned to go but the lure of my beloved organic cranberries is too strong to pass up. I have come to love these little beauties which are imported from Canada. Their sweetness is quite extraordinary. Added to oats and cooked apple they have become a daily love affair. Nicole has inspired me to get back on my pushie. I blow off the dust and clear the cobwebs and set off, backpack strapped on. It has been a long while since I rode a bike but it is like yesterday. Once learnt, never forgotten. As I pass the morning walkers I greet them with a warm smile and simple, yet effective "morning" and am replied with the same gesture of kindness. Ascending my first hill my quads scream at me, begging for me to stand up and I reward them for their efforts by doing so half way up. When I finally reach the top I am puffing like "the magic dragon" and grateful that the land is now flat for a good while. It is a muggy morning but I hardly notice breaking through the breeze. Once at the markets I lean my bike against a tree and set off on foot exploring each stall for what might spark my interest today. I kick myself that the shopping was done at the supermarket only yesterday. The smell of fresh fruit and veges sends my taste buds salivating. I buy my cranberries and am given a discount. I'll take it as one "miracle" today. My only other purchase is a raw food cake which I will save for dessert tonight and share with hubby. Made from 100% raw plant foods I'm sure it will be delightful, delectable. Time to trundle home. The rest of my family may be up by now. As a ride along a flock of pigeons fly beside me for a good 100 metres before landing on a power cable. I hope they don't shit as I ride under. I'm home and the only one up is little boy. My clothes are soaked in sweat and my face red like my cranberries. I take his hand and lead him down to the pool. Standing on the edge we both call out "canon bomb" before jumping in. I am instantly cooled and refreshed. Another brilliant day has begun.
What you believe is what creates your behaviour. If you believe that chocolate or lollies will send you into a sugar spin than that will be the case. If you believe your belly will bloat up from bread or your guts will gurgle from artificial sweeteners than that too will happen. If you believe you'll get fat from eating fat then hello cellulite. Therefore, it is at the level of belief, not at the level of behaviour, that needs modification. Where does your belief come from about the particular food? Was it an incident from your childhood that you have attached the association of that particular food to? Think long and hard, but if it doesn't come to you immediately, leave it because it will come to you soon if that is what you choose. And then when it does realise it and reverse it. Then put that particular food everywhere in your vision - your handbag, the car, the benchtop, the pantry, the fridge. See it often. Realise that you can eat it whenever you want. Understand that it will not hurt you. You must be willing to be uncomfortable, for a little while at least, to create a life that is comfortable where no food is good or bad, no food is off limits, no food will have an effect on you. At the end of your comfort zone, is where life truly begins. And always remember, it's just food for fucks' sake.
This photo taken from my home recently
Hi Shelley
Too busy to think of a fun title.
Matt's deadlift analogy for a really honest set. He likened it to a car running out of petrol. It takes maximum force to generate movement of the car to get it to roll. But then someone puts their foot on the brake and again maximum force is required to facilitate more movement. Each rep today was just like that. There was no bouncing, no catching, only stopping and starting each time - a really honest set.
Heads you diet. Tails you binge. You can keep tossing the coin for as long as you want. But whilst ever you continue to do so know that you can't have one without the other. Do you really want to live your life like this? Yeah, sure you may have what you'd call a "shit hot body" for a while but that body disappears so quickly taking with it another piece of your self worth. I urge you to put the coin in your money box and bank on the fact that money doesn't buy happiness. Only you can get happiness with courage, patience, and determination. And this way you'll have it every single day for the rest of your life.
We sometimes wallow in our own self pity that we forget how good we have it. We forget that there are millions of others struggling with issues far more life threatening than our own. Whilst we have a roof over our heads and food on the table others live under the stars without food for days. Many of us have Love in our Hearts, others are still looking for it. Help them find it - please!
This coming Friday, I'll make the donation and post the result. Thank you so much.
Monday's Lift Heavy Shit Session
Inside your body is a hallway and right bang smack in the middle of the hallway between your soul and your mind lies your heart. The soul's nature is Joy and Joy runs to your heart and is then able to enter your mind. Our souls contain the language of our feelings. If you close your mind your feelings will back up in your heart and hence the term "my heart is breaking". And when you are really really happy your heart feels like it is bursting. If you allow yourself to express your feelings and have an open mind you'll push the feelings out and your heart will not break or burst and the life energy in your soul will be flowing freely. You can heal any moment if you have Joy in your heart.
Yesterday's training got delayed till this afternoon due to Prince Charming arriving right on time on Tuesday and showing me exactly how my body is supposed to work on Wednesday. Since I knew I was going back to the floor deadlifting I thought it would be a sensible move and I was right again. I was reeeaaaallllllyyyyy nervous but knew I'd be right once I got started.
I’ve been joining the dots. Placing pieces of the jigsaw puzzle together. It’s coming together beautifully creating the most wonderful scenery anyone has ever seen. I’ve been trying to figure it all out. But there’s nothing to figure out. It’s already there. A done deal. The slowest method of creating is thinking. Your body performs all it’s most important functions without thinking about it. You blink, you breathe, you sweat, and your heart beats without a conscious thought. It’s simple but not easy. You must get out of your mind and be in a state of awareness. Do not mind a thing or a thought. You are a human BEing, not a human MINDing.
The perceived separation from your spirit deep within. You can't be separate from it cause it's a part of you. But you can believe you are separate from it. You can feel separate from it. You think that you are separate from it. You act like you are separate from it. And that's what causes the fear. The feeling of being separate from your spirit is what causes the fear and that's what causes the addiction. That's what causes the need for the painkillers. And that's what causes us to be the people we don't like being. And that's what causes us to need punishment.
Food Addicts think that food is their problem. Alcoholics think that grog is their problem. Drug Addicts think that drugs are their problem. Sex Addicts think that sex is their problem. People in a miserable marriage think marriage is the problem. People unhappy in their job think that the job is their problem. It's human nature. It's the way it is; always to think something outside of ourselves is the problem. When in reality it's us. We are the problem. The truth is it's a hopeless condition called Addiction.
What if you THOUGHT like a naturally lean person? What if you ACTED like a naturally lean person? You would BE a naturally lean person. You'd get up, see the sun shining and decide that you'd like to go for a walk/run or lift some heavy shit. You'd spend some time just BEing with YourSELF. Deep breathing, meditating, relaxing. Whatever you want to call it. You'd sit down to breakfast with the family. You'd eat exactly what you felt like. Maybe a piece of toast, some bacon, an egg, some grilled tomato and mushrooms. You'd smell the food, taste the feel, feel the food. This is called eating mindfully. You'd put your knife and fork down between bites. Engage in conversation and laughter. Your food may even go cold because you are having so much fun that you're not even thinking about what you are eating, how much you are eating, is it enough protein, too many carbs, blah, blah, blah. You'd reach a point where you'd say "that was beautiful". You'd instinctively know that you'd had enough to eat. You are satisfied. Then you'd go about your day full of energy and enthusiasm. A few hours later (not even knowing the time or what time you ate breakfast) you'd start to feel hungry so you'd go and eat doing exactly the same as breaky. Eat when hungry, eat what you feel like, eat mindfully, stop when satisfied. More fun and play and then everyone is sitting down for a cuppa and cookies. You're feeling a little peckish but not hungry or starving but you'd like to enjoy the experience with everyone else so you grab a cuppa but instead you ask yourself "Do I really feel like a cookie?" and the answer might be yes in which you'll take one, enjoy every bite and then forget about it or the answer might be "Actually no, I feel like an apple". Or you might decide to have both. Whatever you decide is OK also. Then it's the big family dinner. They've decided on getting pizza's. You're shaking with dread. Oh shit, I'm gonna break my diet. I can't eat that. I'll eat it but I'll get up and go for a run tomorrow to make up for it. All destructive and negative self talk. Or you could accept your thoughts by acknowledging them and throwing them in the river and not attaching any feelings to them. You ask does anyone else want some salad to go with their pizza. I'm making a big bowl. You might eat 1 or 2 pieces of pizza, have some salad and go "fanfuckingtastic". Again you're belly is satisfied, your head is happy and positive and your heart is loving you just as much as you are loving it. And just to top off a wonderful day you have a cuppa and mini chocolate as a nightcap before hitting the pillow, saying thanks for everything wonderful in your life and you drift off to sleep and dream beautiful dreams.
And the text from hubby I wasn't able to translate: "Je veux te faire l'amour"
And excerpt from the book Full Lives by Lindsey Hall.The best analogy I've found for the leap of faith into spontaneous eating is from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. In that movie, Indiana and his father search for the Cup of Christ, the Holy Grail, which is said to bring eternal life to anyone who drinks from it. Through a lifetime of research, Mr Jones Sr has learned how to find the Holy Grail and that in doing so he will face "three devices of lethal cunning" otherwise known as booby traps. In the Chronicles of St Anselm, he found clues to getting through the traps. The third clue says "The Path of God: Only in the leap from the lion's head will he prove his worth."
When Indiana reaches this third and final challenge, he stands next to a carving of a lion's head, at the edge of a canyon, miles deep and plenty wide enough to rule out an exceptionally broad jump. There seems to be no way to get to the other side of the canyon, where a cave, carved out of a sheer wall of rock, holds the Holy Grail. Indiana remembers the clue, "Only in the leap from the lion's head, will he prove his worth," and we hear his father, who was left behind with a mortal wound, saying "You must believe, boy, you must believe." Indiana has to believe that if he "leaps" or steps off the edge of the lion's side of the canyon, he will somehow, by the grace of God, not fall to his death, but rather will be allowed to reach the Holy Grail. We see him standing there, looking down, and it's pretty obvious that he's thinking, "Damn it! My father would expect something like this! I'd have to be out of my mind..." But he realizes that he has little choice. If he doesn't try, his father will die and he too will be killed. So he squeezes his eyes shut and he painfully, slowly forces himself to step off the edge, more or less expecting to fall, but hoping and desperately trying to believe that a miracle will save him and lead to the Holy Grail.
If you saw the movie, you know that when Indiana managed to find the faith and courage to step out into thin air, a narrow bridge miraculously appeared underfoot and he very carefully, very slowly, inched across to reach the other side and the Holy Grail. The analogy is clear. As long as you stand on the lion's side of the canyon, you live with chronic dieting, binge eating, or another problem with food. On the other side of the canyon is God's gift to us all: spontaneous, effortless eating and natural weight control. But the only way to get across the canyon is to step into what looks like thin air. There doesn't appear to be anything there to support you. It doesn't feel like you're going to make it across. All you have is scientific studies which indicate that your body is designed to regulate your weight, if only you would let it do its job unopposed.
