CAN ANYONE HELP? - PLEASE!

My guts is gurgling really really badly. Everything inside feels spasmotic. And I'm about to make the whole family, including myself, wear face masks to protect us from breathing in toxic fumes if you know what I mean. I've had a colonic this afternoon but it's no better. It's gotta be something I'm eating. Anyone know anything about carbohydrate malabsorption, ibs, wheat/gluten or other intolerance? Here's what I've eaten today:

Egg whites, kelp noodles, wild rice, carrots, zuchinni, broccoli, cauliflower, beans, kale, swiss chard, tomato, red capsicum, mushrooms, baby spinach

Surge

Oats, wheat bran, natural whey powder, banana, goji berries, organic cranberries, Jalna natural yoghurt, cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger

Barramundi, kelp noodles, pumpkin, onion, all veges as above, natural chicken stock

Corned silverside, kelp noodles, basmati rice, pumpkin, onion, all veges as above, natural chicken stock

Lindt dark chocolate (not negotiable!)

Perhaps digestive enzymes, ibs support, charcoal tablets might help???