Sunday, June 22, 2008

Weekend Rollercoaster

This weekend has had me riding a rollercoaster of emotions again. Starting out with being extremely tired on Saturday morning when the alarm went off for my scheduled walk. I arose with serious quad soreness from Friday's leg training and felt really flat and not wanting to exercise. I could hear the wind and hoped in was rain so I could go back to bed but not to be. I thought of going back anyway but then reasoned that I'd only get another hour or so as I had to be up for my blood tests. So, 1 hour later I was home again after a nice walk and some thinking time and then showered and off for a needle in the arm.

This year my youngest two children - Sofie 8 and Jayden 4 have taken up tae kwon do. It was Sofie who wanted to do it initially and we thought it would be good for them both to do it for some exercise, self confidence and discipline but what I really didn't think about at this age was the self defence component. During their training we can only watch via a monitor in the reception area but I usually sit in the car and read or make phone calls to clients so being able to actually sit in on their grading was a real eye opener in terms of what they can do and I was so proud of them for their commitment to the sport and what they are achieving hoping that they'll never have to put into practice what they are learning in this regard.

Later that day an invite to dinner sent me into a complete downward spiral and had me uncontrollably crying and lying on the lounge. My mind was tossing to and fro - with regards to eating and drinking. I was angry, pissed off, feeling sorry for myself, why me, it's not fair, this is bullshit, hating myself, hating life and wondering why I even bother. Thank god for my darling husband who sat with me, comforted me and talked things through. After a couple of hours later and help from hubby I was able to see the light and pull myself together. It ended up being a really enjoyable night. Not what I would class as perfect eating wise but certainly not as bad as previous occasions. And if it takes me an extra week to get to where I want to be so be it, at least I've enjoyed it along the way.

Today we'd planned to take the kids to Alma Park Zoo when this morning Sofie asked "is Mummy coming?" and when I said yes of course she looked really surprised and said "that usually it's just Daddy that takes us out" which really hurt and hit home the fact that pre-comp they really did miss out. I was too tired all the time and didn't want to be tempted by food choices and had to fit training in so hubby used to pretty much look after them all weekend. I packed a picnic lunch for us all and we ended up having a lovely day.

Looking forward to this week and another week of less hustle and bustle.