Finally !!

Finally, after thinking about it for so long I've set up my own blog. Why? I don't know. Perhaps, now feeling my most fragile I need this as another tool to get me back on track.

I never once thought the other side was going to be like this! I'm strong, I'm confident (most of the time) and competing in figure was one of the most amazing experiences I have felt. I never intentionally set out to place but rather began my figure competition journey to have a goal as a means to lose the weight I had gained since moving to Brisbane last May. I'm not going to write about my contest preparation. That was then, this is now. I should have started this blog a long time ago but never seemed to have the time. After placing 3rd in Novice class in INBA a decision was made to compete again the following weekend at the WNBF Championships and again I placed, this time 2nd in both Novice and Open classes. I cannot describe how I felt other than amazing! Being on stage and doing so well was unbelievable. That feeling has subsided quite quickly and this week has been quite a struggle emotionally. I know I'm not alone. We're all going through it, most others on the way back up again. I had heard about it but somehow thought it wouldn't happen to me. I trained (hard) riding rpm 3 times on Monday trying to learn the new choreo in order to teach the new release on Wednesday morning - eats perfect, Tuesday rode rpm again twice with some weight training in the middle, nutrition - what nutrition, Wednesday taught rpm and weight training, food a blur, Thursday no training food a blur, Friday 30 min cardio intervals - food good, Saturday no training food not good, and today, Sunday no training food - let's just say this is the last day of eating crap!

My scales are way up, the fat's come back, I look like I'm pregnant, and basically I feel like shit. I've cried so much this week. I just want to curl up in a ball and stay in hiding until the fat disappears again. I've spent the morning logging the whole of next weeks food and training, creating spreadsheets and generally thinking of my comeback. It's consuming my every thought.

I'm heading to Las Vegas Monday week so I have next week to drop a couple of kilos then upon my return I'll be strict for a few weeks to get back to where I need to be. I want to be lean enough to be happy with how I look but not so lean that muscle gain will be impossible. At the moment I really want to compete again but know that I'm only wanting to do this to have a goal and get back to a comfortable weight. If I do ever compete again it will be next year though. I have a social calendar full for July and we have a family holiday booked in October so not enough commitment there to prepare for competition at the end of this year.

Will write each day this week before heading to Vegas. Please, I'm asking myself, stick with it this week and don't lose control any more.