WHAT HAS YOUR BODY DONE?

I've never given much thought to what my body has actually done and achieved in it's 37 years in this life.

I entered the world bum first leaving the security of my mothers womb. My body learnt to crawl then walk, fall down, get back up again. It learnt to ride a push bike and later a motorbike achieving a 3rd place in the Australian Short Circuit Motorcycle Titles. It learnt to hop, skip and jump using all these skills to represent NSW in State Age Netball. It learnt to long jump, high jump, throw a discus and shot put, hurdle, sprint short and jog long distances and very successfully in all these endeavours. It learnt ball skills and hand/eye coordination which it used playing soccer and touch football.

One of its biggest and best achievements was growing three healthy babies and carrying them to term. And then pushing watermelons out a hole the size of an orange. It grew coconuts on my chest and filled them with milk with the perfect blend of nutrients to feed my babies.

And growing older it danced, pole danced, ran, rode, stepped and lifted heavy shit.

Pretty fucking intelligent really.

And this is just some of what it has done. So, if it's done all of this and much much more I'm absolutely certain it can learn to regulate my body weight and appetite without outside influence.

THANKS FOR THE LAUGH MUMMY!

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart only good for so many beats, and that it...don't waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiency. What does cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So steak is nothing more than efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give you 100% of recommended daily allowance of vegetable product.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No pain...good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food are fried these day in vegetable oil. In fact, they permeated by it. How could getting more vegetable be bad for you?!?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for your figure, explain whale to me..

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' a shape! Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a ride!!"

HELP WANTED!!

Are you or anyone you know an e-bay or other seller and want to earn some cash from selling lots of my shit?? You'll have to live in the Brissy area for me to drop it all off. We're talkin' hooker heels, thigh high boots, platforms, rpm clothing, boxing gear, gym equipment, handbags and so much more. Call me 0409 654003.

SEE YOURSELF IN YOUR VISION!!

It all starts in the mind. It starts with a vision. What do you want your life to be? It starts now with a thought. Don't wait for coincidences. Create your future. Don't give up or be disheartened. Just when you're about to give up, your dreams are just around the corner. Only you know what your life will be.

QUIET TIME!!

Awesome photography by Corne Lategan. And hot body Nathan Wallace Mr Olympia. Good friend of Matt's.

It was the magic mushies I baked last night. I write better than I speak. One day you're going to receive a book in the mail with the postage stamp marked Quebec City and inside the front cover are going to be the words:

Hey big spunk

I did it!!

Love Shelley

And you're going to say "She was right - about EVERYTHING!"

Thurday's Lift Heavy Shit Session

Stiff Leg Deadlifts

- 115 kgs x 7 reps

- 120 kgs x 6 reps

- 130 kgs x 2 reps, drop 3

Lying Leg Curls

- 80 pds x 8 reps (really really short)

- 80 pds x 8 reps (getting a little better)

- 80 pds x 4 reps (just stuffed)

Leg Press

- 160 kgs x 10 reps - wide placement

- 160 kgs x 25 reps - knees and feet together

- 200 kgs x 20 reps

- 240 kgs x 20 reps

THOUGHTS................

Thinking means we are in our heads. When we feel something we think it must be true. We judge and react emotionally through fear. What we are actually feeling is trying to tell us something. Feelings come from from deep inside you. Thoughts are just ideas or images. It's the feelings that we attach to the ideas or images that form either positive or negative energy. Thoughts alone cannot harm you. Allow yourself to feel by trusting yourself. Get out of your head and into your body. Breathe girl breathe. Breathe and trust is all you have to do.

Or you can email your friend and tell her you feel scared to which she will reply:

"It's OK to be scared - we can hold hands and together look into the eyes of fear and say "Fuck Off!"

THERE'S NOTHING YOU NEED!!

There is nothing that you need in order to be perfectly happy. You only think that there is. Your deepest, most perfect happiness can be found within, and once you find it, nothing outside of yourself can compare, nor can anything destroy the total bliss of communication within.

Seek and you shall find. And on this day your need for anything else will end. Simply be quiet. Some call it meditation but it can be as simple as walking alone or sitting quietly. Just BE with your Self in the stillness. Do it often. Do it daily. Stop thinking. It can change everything and you will be a different person.